How are you? A question that we ask and answer countless times. A question that can come from well-meaning friends as well as in rushed encounters, through text, social media, a brief exchange at an unexpected meeting by the fresh fruit aisle in a grocery store, etc. 

We see our fellow humans and we care for their wellbeing enough to ask ‘how are you?’ But in reality we may not expect much more of a response than: ‘I’m fine thank you, how are you?’ It becomes a polite discourse, ritualistic even. We ask anyway, even when we are hurried, distracted or dare I say, uninterested.

And when we answer we are possibly just as guilty. How often do the thoughts that precede the words: ‘I’m fine’, sound something like, ‘I’m so tired/my head hurts/I’m worried about those results/I’m worried about my friend/I’m going to be late to that appointment/how will I pay that bill/I wish this person would not ask me how I am because I don’t want to talk to them right now.’

I could go on, and our thoughts are far from always negative, we have plenty of positive ones too, excited, hopeful, dreamy - but we tend to be a bit better at sharing those. 

We don’t have to share all of our personal and intimate thoughts with anyone who asks; that wouldn’t be appropriate. But I wonder about the habit of saying that we are fine when we are not.  I wonder why we feel the need to make everything ok and why we sometimes struggle with certain emotions. Even when a child falls over and grazes their knee, it is not uncommon to hear them being comforted with the words, ‘There, you’re ok.’ Are they ok? Isn’t their knee bleeding? And haven’t they just had their fun rudely interrupted by a trip hazard? 

Sometimes we aren’t ok. And it’s ok to admit that. 

As a diocese we are looking at wellbeing and how we take care of each other. The heart behind the StanWell Hub is the wellbeing of people in Stanway. How we are matters. Bumping into someone briefly in the course of your day may not be the best moment to open up about how you are doing, but I wonder if we could be more honest with ourselves about how we really are. The next someone asks you how you are doing, could you try and answer as honestly as you can, within the realms of suitability for that context?

If we can be honest with ourselves, then we are more able to be honest with God. Sometimes in prayer we ask the Holy Spirit to search us. Sometimes God can help us see how we really are, and face issues that we might need to address or accept circumstances we may have been avoiding. The fact that we go about asking how people are without really giving it a second thought gives me hope for humanity. I see it as a sign of Kingdom life breaking through - it is almost unconscious that we seek to care for the other. We just need to get a little better at the conscious part.

After all, asking after each other seems like one of the first stages of loving each other. I hope you have some meaningful encounters this week and feel brave enough to go a bit deeper.

Anna